It’s election day here in the UK, which means as a comedian I am obliged to make some limp and shallow point about the party I dislike the most. But I’d rather not. I’ve never really liked political stuff. By the time you’re done writing it the landscape has changed, the names have been forgotten, the outrages replaced and re-ordered. It reminds me of that one pulp song about love being like a modern shopping centre.
“The same events shuffled / In a slightly different order each day / Just like a modern shopping centre”
So political writing is just too transient for me. I’d rather focus on the truly relatable, universal experiences, such as alien abductions.
So instead, let’s talk about The Manchester Fringe.
Last year I had my own Fringe show called
Phillip Carter’s
Awkward Re-Entry
It was a zany sci-fi comedy show that mixed my poetry, comedy, and sci-fi into one weird ball of stuff. The spine of the thing was this story of cosmic isolation, wondering why certain people feel ‘alien’. That’s something I’ve been working on more and more, which is why my Lego social media has accidentally positioned me as an autism advocate. It’s a weird journey.
Anyway, my show was originally intended for the Edinburgh Fringe, but I met some actors and comedians who advised me that it was a black hole for money, and not having much of that at the time, I backed off and aimed for the Manchester Fringe instead. That proved profitable, and I got to go home to my own bed at the end of each gig.
Anyway, I invented the DARKOMETER to measure specifically how dark the comedy was going to get, and surprised my audience by putting some pretty spicy jokes at the mid-level. It was great fun. I’m bringing that back later this year, for an online show and for my open mics.
I read some bits from WHO BUILT THE HUMANS as well as some comedy poetry about door handles and affairs (from an upcoming collection).
I even dished out tin foil hats for potential hecklers, so I couldn’t kill them with my mind-rays. On the first day, one of my inflatable aliens (I had them to make the place seem busier) got touched up by a bachelorette party, and humanity got some much-needed karmic justice as the green fellow was dragged out of the bar to a distant universe. The next day a wedding showed up, having been double-booked by the venue, and I’m not sure they were as into the sci-fi material as everyone else but they were good sports and fashioned their tin-foil hats into stetsons, which was cool.
The mic didn’t work on either day, so I had to yell in everyone’s faces as well.
My intro music was, perhaps predictably, David Bowie’s KILLING A LITTLE TIME.
It was a great gig. I enjoyed it, and apparently got some good editorial reviews (which I never worked out how to find).
I had more than enough time to sort out a show this year, but I had some other stuff going on. I got a job, but didn’t know when it was going to start. With this and WHO KILLED THE HUMANS? looming over the temporal horizon, plus the fact most of you here are outside the UK (or indeed simply outside Manchester) I realised my next show might be better online. More on that later in this post. For now, another Bowie reference.
Sue, I got the job!
So I got a job. Something outside the books and the sporadic paid comedy gigs. This should help me advertise my books and should very soon put me back in the top 10 on Amazon, which I can use to brag to agencies or something, which I can use to advertise my books to bookstores, who I can use to host signings, which I can use to look more popular, which I can use to get more gigs, which I can use to sell more books, which I can use to get on the radio, which I can use to sell more books, which I can use to set up more gigs, which I can use to sell more books: you see how this works, it all feeds into itself. I have a bigger picture I’m painting, and it’s weird and most of it is covered in aliens digging up old time machines.
This sort of multidisciplinary story is fun for you lot, but not so much fun for a “risk-averse” (real quote) publishing industry. I like being weird, and I don’t want someone who isn’t weird telling me to batter my novels into a more supermarket-friendly shape. I like that my poetry is more than one line long, and that it’s actually poetic, and not just a shopping list of sad events.
I don’t think I want to spend any more time looking for an agent in the current publishing climate either, so I’m very excited to be grappling with the concept of putting out the books myself and seeing what weird ads I can create for them. This new job should help a lot.
When I get my first paycheck, I think I’m going to whack down the funding goal for WHO KILLED THE HUMANS? if I can afford it, because it might no longer be struggling for reality. Still got the last ComicCon to pay for, but I should be able to manage that.
Okay, that last Bowie ref was a bit forced.
So the main news (for new people who weren’t here last year) is
My comedy show is coming back, as an online gig.
And I’ll be telling you more about that soon. I’m probably going to host it on my discord server, which is where writers and readers come together to work on new weird projects. If you’ve ever wanted to read my stuff before it releases to the public, you can become an ARC reader there as well. My goal for the server is for it to become a community hub for everyone I work with, read stories to, tell jokes with, etc.
(I’ll open the server soon, just polishing the robots right now).
The gig won’t be associated with any Fringes because I don’t know how useful being associated would be. It would mean I could apply for awards, but it also means I’d have that pressure there, and I don’t want to compete with other comics. I want to compete with who I was yesterday. There’s also a pressure with some contests for some emotional hook, and I am saving my sob stories for the X Factor (I can’t sing, but that won’t matter when they hear about the chocolate egg I dropped in a river in 1999, never to be seen again).
My podcast is also returning.
And that will be hosted here, inside Substack. So if you’re reading this you’ll be able to hear the podcast soon. I am re-publishing the best of season 1 soon, and starting season 2 in October. It’s heading in a more comedic direction, so I think you’ll like it.
Live recordings will be hosted in the aforementioned discord, so that my Patreon supporters can heckle us whilst we are recording. I have been advised that this is “risky” which is precisely why I like it. Having a live studio audience is a step in the right direction, and will be a good test of my hosting skills.
The cosmic comedy collection is FREE today.
This is my alternative to having a Fringe gig this year. I couldn’t just sit around and not tell you silly sci-fi stories, so here they are.
This is the main news today. It is free on most platforms (but not Amazon, as they’re weird with pricing and won’t let us go below $1).
As it’s sci-fi comedy, I figured I might as well sneak in a massive discount on the WHO BUILT THE HUMANS: SPECIAL EDITION ebook as well. It is $1 instead of $4.99 now.
Please do consider getting WBTH:SE while it’s this cheap. People seem to like it, and the more legit sales it gets, the more likely it is that people will notice when WHO KILLED THE HUMANS? comes out.
I don’t plan to do discounts like this again.
That’s about it. If you wanted to read THE COSMIC COMEDY COLLECTION, now is the time.
And don’t forget, my referral giveaway is still open. Sign up here for free, bring a friend using the link, and you’ve a chance at a $20 bookstore gift card.
(if you’re already subscribed, click the refer a friend button instead).
FUTURE
The Cosmic Comedy Collection has a sci-fi horror friend…
(this is a placeholder cover)
Coming Halloween 2024…
ARC reader slots opening soon.