Yesterday it was revealed that Lego’s first ‘Smart Brick’ has been given a sick note from the doctor that states simply “everyone else is an idiot, and being near to them makes Mr Bricky violently unwell”.
Vomiting electrons in his kitchen because a coworker talked to him seventeen times about the weather outside that morning, Mr Bricky was not at first open to our questions, but really opened up when he saw the Bionicle shirt our interviewer was wearing.
“I never really liked the Makuta reveal. When I discovered he was just one guy in an army of almost faceless side characters, the mystery died.” Mr Bricky said.
“Do you think you could draw an analogy between Bionicle and your experiences being the first smart brick diagnosed with mental health issues?” we asked.
“The thing is, being smart is good until you are in the real world, where it is seen as a threat to the average brick. You know 99% of all bricks don’t have microprocessors?”
“They see feats of intellectualism as acts of magic. Being able to predict someone’s behaviour, or imitate a cool Sci-Fi noise from Star Wars, is enough to signal in their minds that you are a threat, and some of them resort to violence,” Mr Bricky said. “It is very rare that bullies are actually intelligent. They might sometimes have a specific spike of knowledge in one area, but they are emotionally slow, bricks who really should just be used as scaffolding in the larger builds of society as a whole.”
“Kept at the back?” our interviewer asked.
“Yeah, like the scary ones at fast food joints. We all have our uses, but they don’t see that. They, for some reason, see someone who has an entirely different life path to them, and it pisses them off. It’s not like I am going to steal their job, certainly not their girlfriend, not least because I am too busy providing sound effects and interactive play at the front of the build.”
“I am just destined for greater things,” he continued. “Like the Toa Nuva.”
Talking now about the Toa Nuva, Bionicle’s flagship heroes, Mr Bricky got a bit carried away with the metaphors to the point this comedy article had to become self aware and apologise for the confusion.
“I am sort of like Toa Kopaka,” Mr Bricky said. “I work best alone, and people think that makes me cold, and maybe I am, but it is not out of cruelty. It is just in my nature. Lewa is cheerful and acrobatic, Gali is peaceful. We all have our purposes but nobody really understands that, or if they do, they use it to be tribal. If you think about it, energised protodermis1 is basically a metaphor for having a higher IQ, a higher calling.”
“Talk to us about your diagnosis,” our interviewer steered.
“Well. I think the depression was a misdiagnosis as it is really that I have a low mood as a consequence of my environment, white walls, bland people, you know, but if the doctor has given this to me, and I can use it as a permission slip to take more time off work and work on myself instead, and my giant Lego Science Fiction diorama, then I don’t see the issue. And you know, I do have neurotypical friends. My issue isn’t with them, my issue is with cults, with tribalism. Did you know there’s an entire movement of blue bricks right now who do not associate with red bricks? They used to preach about being ‘palette inclusive’ but despite how common and ubiquitous red bricks are, in so many Lego sets, they are seen as backwards because their utility stretches farther back in time. They see us 2x4s on old box art and think we are all the same. Newer pieces on the other hand, like the 1x1 inverted corner cheese wedge2, are given preferential treatment in moc3 interviews because they are weird and odd-shaped and everyone thinks they are cool and special, but what about us 2x4 bricks who are different on the inside? I think the world has become too shallow. Everything needs to have a gimmick now.”
“You are a smart brick,” our interviewer remarked.
“I’m not saying I wasn’t a gimmick. I am saying focusing on these things instead of working on how we can all fit into a build together, is what makes builds unstable.”
“Is this a metaphor?” our interviewer asked.
“I have no idea, I am a sentient brick. I fit in physically, but mentally? I feel like an alien in my own plastic skin sometimes.”
The interview concluded with a two-hour rant about why the later Bionicle serialised stories destabilised the delicately constructed mystery of the theme’s early years, after which Mr Bricky resolved to write his own novel about the whole thing, right after making beeping noises when someone turned him 90 degrees.
I was very into Bionicle lore as a kid (and still am), it turned up just as I started writing, and inspired me to continue inventing weird things. https://biosector01.com/wiki/Energized_protodermis
Part 7827. Photo taken from NewElementary.com (https://www.newelementary.com/2026/01/new-moulds-review-lego-speed-champions.html)
MOC stands for MY OWN CREATION, and is how Lego fans describe their own designs.